The latest statistics state that there were 1.2 million divorces in the
United States last year. Every 4.3 people out of 1000 will get divorced this year. One of the main reasons for
this problem is poor communication. So read this to help lower those statistics.
When You are Speaking
1. Concentrate on a specific, personal issue. do not make generalizations.
2. Do not criticize or accuse the other person or make the other person feel guilty. No one likes
to be judged, and criticism only makes the other person react defensively.
3. Be honest. Even "white lies" make us lose trust. We do not have to protect each
other with lies, we can be honest without being cruel.
4. Be direct. Come right out and say what is on your mind, what you are feeling. do not cloud
the issue by talking about matters that are not relevant.
5. Do not label your partner or engage in name calling. Instead, describe the behavior that has
made you upset and describe how you feel.
6. Express your feelings, but not to harm the other person. Tell your partner that you are going
to disclose your feelings and that your intention is not to hurt them but to explain how you're feeling.
7. Do not monopolize the conversation or make a speech. Say what you have to say as clearly as
you can, then give the other person an equal amount of time to talk.
8. Do not say something merely to see how your partner will react.
9. Do not inundate the listener with details, thereby forgetting the important things that need
to be said.
10. Do not change the subject. Stick to the issue that both of you have agreed to discuss.
When You are Listening
1. Do not prejudge what your partner has to say. Try to keep an open mind, as difficult as that
may be.
2. Never interrupt or complete sentences for the other person.
3. Seek to identify with and understand your partner. Put yourself in the others shoes, however
hard that might be.
4. Make good eye contact with your partner as they are communicating with you.
5. Indicate, perhaps by nodding your head, that you are listening to them.
6. Pay close attention to what your partner is saying, without jumping to a conclusion.
7. Give yourself enough time to take in what they've just said and to understand their feelings
before you respond.
